Avoidance can be a way of coping with a stressful situation or issue, or with something or someone we perceive as a threat. It’s common to avoid problems and issues to some extent, but if you repeatedly avoid things that really need dealing with, it’s worth looking at why this is happening.

You might be avoiding a stressful situation by not thinking about it at all, or by diverting your thoughts to something else. You might not even be aware you’re doing this. For example, you might be “in denial”, by convincing yourself everything’s fine even when it’s clear to those around you that there’s a serious problem you need to deal with. Denying a problem exists may result in you feeling angry or anxious rather than confronting and solving it. Or you might be avoiding a problem just by minimising its significance, which again then makes it much harder to sort out.

Another way of avoiding a problem is to rationalise it by justifying the uncomfortable emotions and thoughts it brings up for you. This often involves making incorrect, illogical, and sometimes extreme assumptions, and blaming others instead of looking at your own behaviour. For example, you may justify your angry outbursts by blaming other people’s behaviour, rather than looking at why your anger was so excessive. For as long as you’re rationalising a problem and blaming others in this way, you’re unlikely to be looking for a solution.

It's also common to behave in a way that allows you to avoid or delay dealing with a stressful situation or problem. For example, you might procrastinate over a task even though this is going to cause you greater problems and anxiety later on. More extreme forms of avoidant behaviour include addictions, abnormal eating patterns, excessive gambling or gaming, and substance abuse, all of which can help you escape the reality of what needs dealing with, but ultimately are likely to make things much worse.

It's important to recognise that your problems won’t go away unless you actually do something about them. The first step is to recognise and understand the problem, by looking at the facts rather than your assumptions. This isn’t as easy as it sounds and may take some time to unpick, particularly if you’ve been avoiding a problem for a long time. Confronting the real problem can be difficult and even overwhelming. However, this is also an opportunity for personal growth. The process of exploring and breaking patterns of avoidant thoughts and behaviours often brings positive change for yourself and in your relationships with others, as well as an improved resilience which will help you deal with problems more effectively in future.